Jul 23 2008

Munro7 Previews the New Season

Published by admin at 2:40 pm under Munro7, SPL News

After winning the Euro 2008 competition Munro7 returns to compete again in the SPL competition but also to offer his own unique perspective on the season as it progresses.

Aberdeen - fans will remain stuck in real life Back to the Future and demand the manager’s head when they haven’t won the Champions League by Christmas. Regardless the local paper still demands Scotland call ups for half the squad despite the fact they are actually honking.

Celtic - undoubtedly another season of challenging their equally evil twin for the league, signing unheard of foreigners who are immediately hailed as the next Pele/Maradona/Beckenbauer by their pet Scottish media (before actually turning out to be the next Brattbak/Gravesen/Scheidt) and getting on Gordon Strachan’s back for not being “Celtic-minded”.

Dundee Utd – one of the clutch of sides vying for the coveted 3rd place or best-of-the-diddy-teams spot. Tabloid writers bemoan Noel Hunt’s departure to Reading as it deprives them of their favoured risque rhyming slang headlines based on his surname

Falkirk - you pretty much know what you’re going to get from Falkirk. Attractive passing football winning plenty of plaudits, but very few points! Hopefully John Hughes will continue to deliver the most entertaining post match ramblings ever.

Hamilton - the latest diddy team to annoy the powers-that-be by actually having the audacity to qualify for the Self Preservation League. Hamilton have already been ordered to rip up their artificial pitch as this was clearly far too forward thinking to have any place in such an organisation. A flat, even surface in all weather, all year round? Madness.

Hearts - the manager’s job at Hearts remains the closest thing in the footballing world to a temp. Unconfirmed reports suggest the 5 year plan to win the league and Champions League may be a little off schedule.

Hibs - Like Falkirk, Hibs tend to play prettyish football without actually achieving very much. Reportedly only a matter of time before Real Madrid snap up Fletcher it would at least make a change from the Edinburgh side acting as a feeding club for the Ugly Sisters following Brown, Thomson, Caldwell etc departing for Glasgow. A popular choice for the gambling fraternity particularly following the appointment of new manager Mixu Put-a-line-on! Thank you, I’m here all week. Try the fish.

Inverness Caley Thistle – chances are another year of being patronised by the media who still seem to think they’re a Highland League outfit. Craig Brewster will apparently continue down the Marius Niculae route of attempting to attract foreign signings by assuring them Inverness is just outside Glasgow. They will still somehow fail to beat Aberdeen again.

Kilmarnock - does anyone care? At all? Jim Jeffries will no doubt continue his laugh a minute charm offensive on Scottish football as his team lays siege to the halfway line. Outside bet to win at least 3 corners this season. League positions notwithstanding still the 2nd best team in Ayrshire.

Motherwell - took swamp football to unprecedented new heights last year but Europe could be a step too far with many games played on actual grass. Re-signing Bob Malcolm does at least affirm their commitment to football’s care in the community scheme though.

Rangers - despite signing 43 strikers in the close season Uncle Walter will still only play 1 of them. It will not be Boyd. He will still end up their top scorer though despite spending less time on the pitch than the physio. Sources suggest Rangers have come up with a daring plan B to use as the title race hots up as they throw caution to the wind and field a side with only 7 centre halves in it. This is as yet unconfirmed.

St Mirren – building their shiny new stadium more or less guarantees relegation due to the irrepressible sod’s law principle. They have high hopes that one of their strikers will manage double figures this season – appearances naturally, not goals.

General preview – no doubt another season of watching the Forces of Darkness battle it out for the title with the rest scrapping for their place in the top 6 – big wowee. The press will still deem this as “exciting” provided there is less than 10 points between the Gruesome Twosome. They will not be correct. But the season will still throw up numerous questions: Will Craig Levein amass more touchline bans than Gordon Strachan? Will Jimmy Calderwood play someone in their correct position? How many Lithuanians will be in Hearts starting line up?

3 responses so far

3 Responses to “Munro7 Previews the New Season”

  1. Canadakillieon 11 Aug 2008 at 11:07 am

    What a load of p*sh – did someone tell you were funny munro7?

  2. AlexMon 18 Aug 2008 at 6:47 pm

    Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

  3. tich64on 26 Aug 2008 at 3:38 pm

    Well it looks to me as if Munro7 is an Ayr fan. He’ll be looking for a job clearing out the old rolls for a new stadium then…………

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